1
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:16,377
Doesn't anyone want breakfast?
2
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,579
I have an egg and some MandM's.
3
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:21,382
I can make an omelet.
4
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:24,385
No, thanks.
I'm still pleasantly nauseous...
5
00:01:24,552 --> 00:01:27,755
...After last night's feast
of the three-legged chicken.
6
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,826
Why would you buy a chicken
with three drumsticks?
7
00:01:32,026 --> 00:01:34,128
Well, it cost seven cents a pound.
8
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:37,832
The one with two legs cost $1.19 a pound.
9
00:01:38,032 --> 00:01:41,969
Excuse me for thinking of our
bankbook instead of our health.
10
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:44,905
Didn't you think just maybe there
was something wrong...
11
00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:47,908
...When the label said, "Chernobyl Farms"?
12
00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:53,380
I mean, how many chickens have flippers?
13
00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:56,484
Don't blame me for that.
14
00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:59,420
I just thought it was an extra head.
15
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:01,956
You liked it, didn't you, Bud?
16
00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:03,591
It was tasty, but hard to eat.
17
00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:06,694
I mean, every time I cut a piece off
it would grow back.
18
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,331
Can't somebody get Kelly
out of the bathroom?
19
00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:13,167
I'm a little queasy.
I'm still trying to pass a beak.
20
00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:17,404
Next.
21
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:21,976
That's me, Dad. I have to stud
myself up for school.
22
00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:24,144
So you'll be needing your smoking jacket...
23
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:26,680
...With matching blue Pampers.
24
00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:29,517
Girls like me.
25
00:02:30,117 --> 00:02:31,919
They do.
26
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:36,390
So, what's for lunch today, Mom?
Leftover chicken tumor?
27
00:02:36,991 --> 00:02:38,859
You know, I'm hurt.
28
00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:43,597
I feed a family of four for 32 cents,
and all I get is grief.
29
00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:48,736
I'm trying to save money for the
more important things for this family.
30
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:52,740
Can I have $70 to play the lottery?
31
00:02:53,107 --> 00:02:56,443
Can't I just give you 70 cents
for some prime rib?
32
00:02:56,677 --> 00:03:00,247
Please, Al, the jackpot
is up to $6 million.
33
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:03,350
I have a system. I know I can win.
34
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:06,854
Leave Daddy alone, Mom.
He works hard for his money.
35
00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:08,622
Dad.
36
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:13,327
Could I have $100 for a python?
37
00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:18,032
I need one for the school talent show.
38
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:20,568
Marry your own wallet.
39
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,405
Oh, Al, please?
40
00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:27,174
I just need $70 to play my system.
41
00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:31,545
I've studied the numbers. In school,
there was one thing I was good at.
42
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,847
But in the real world
they don't give prizes...
43
00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:37,017
...For the longest period by a sophomore.
44
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:41,355
- It's all yours, Dad.
- Well, it's about time.
45
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,824
The man who goes to work,
who pays the bills...
46
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:46,560
...Finally gets to enjoy the fruits
of his labor.
47
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:50,364
Stand back, kids. Let Daddy
show you how it's done.
48
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:53,601
Oh, and you might wanna
put on your galoshes.
49
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,002
Oh, no.
50
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:59,373
Yep. She's rising
like the mighty Mississipp'.
51
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:01,075
Now, from what I can tell...
52
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:04,612
...You or Mom tried to flush Kelly's
report card down the toilet.
53
00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:12,119
Oh, no. Did I let the F's out of the bag?
54
00:04:12,987 --> 00:04:14,321
Al, she's failing again.
55
00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:18,659
Who cares? I've got a chicken
pecking its way out of my body.
56
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:22,096
Why did we buy a house with one bathroom?
57
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:25,666
Because all the houses
in our price range were on fire.
58
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:30,471
Except for that lovely house
with no kitchen that I wanted.
59
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,374
We all have to live
with our disappointments.
60
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:36,410
I, of course, have to sleep with mine.
61
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:45,285
Is that its new name?
62
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,963
But the point is...
63
00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:59,400
...When I was growing up,
I had two dreams.
64
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:03,570
One was being an astronaut and
landing on the planet Jayne Mansfield.
65
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:06,774
The other was having a bathroom
all to myself.
66
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:12,746
Well, Daddy got blown off course and
had to crash on a much darker planet.
67
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:15,849
But, family, I'm going to realize
my second dream.
68
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:19,486
I'm going to build a bathroom.
The greatest bathroom in the world.
69
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,222
And I want you to know something,
all of you.
70
00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:25,426
Nobody uses that bathroom but me.
71
00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:30,164
Honey, how can we afford a new bathroom?
72
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:34,568
As it is, we give the kids candy
and tell them it's vitamins.
73
00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:37,838
No more vitamins for a while, kids.
74
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,573
Don't worry. It won't cost much.
75
00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:42,142
Because I'm gonna build it myself.
76
00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:45,412
Mom, I'm scared.
77
00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:51,318
Hi, honey. How was school?
78
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:55,255
Reading, adding, false alarm,
principal's office, the usual.
79
00:05:57,424 --> 00:06:01,562
Kelly, you believe in your mother,
don't you?
80
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:03,797
Well, a little bit.
81
00:06:05,099 --> 00:06:06,366
That's sweet.
82
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,402
Can I borrow some money for the lottery?
83
00:06:09,103 --> 00:06:12,139
I can't, Mom. Since Dad decided
to build his dream bathroom...
84
00:06:12,306 --> 00:06:14,108
...He took away our allowance.
85
00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:17,544
What does he think, blond hair
just grows out of your head?
86
00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:22,816
It's here!
87
00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:27,588
Where's Bud?
I want him to see this.
88
00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:29,256
Bud, get down here!
89
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:31,191
Family, gather round.
90
00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:33,994
What is it, Dad?
91
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:37,898
My destiny, son.
92
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:42,703
When I was a young boy, I told myself
when I grew up I would have one thing:
93
00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:46,140
A toilet bowl like my dad had.
94
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:49,409
I thought it was a head like a peanut.
95
00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:52,412
He had one of those too.
96
00:06:53,147 --> 00:06:55,115
You're not gonna ruin my moment, Peg.
97
00:06:55,315 --> 00:07:00,187
Now, stand back and feast
your eyes on this:
98
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,694
Is it just me or is that a toilet?
99
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:09,730
Not just a toilet...
100
00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:13,734
...A Ferguson, the king of bowls.
101
00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:16,970
Bud, sit down.
102
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:19,873
Let me tell you the story of the Ferguson.
103
00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:27,147
These babies were made in Maine,
at the little Ferguson factory.
104
00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:30,050
It's the Stradivarius of toilets.
105
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:33,620
And my dad could play it like a violin.
106
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:43,230
I'll never forget the time my dad took me
on a trip to Maine to visit the factory.
107
00:07:43,397 --> 00:07:46,466
I had to go to the bathroom.
I begged to pull into a truck stop.
108
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:50,404
He said, "No, wait till we get there.
It'll be worth it."
109
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,639
It was.
110
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:57,244
Excuse me here, Dad,
but a toilet is a toilet.
111
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:03,116
Bud, the toilets today
aren't worthy of the name.
112
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:06,086
They come in designer colors,
and they're too low.
113
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:10,490
When you flush them they make
this weak, almost apologetic sound.
114
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,125
Not the Ferguson.
115
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:14,161
It only comes in white.
116
00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:16,864
And when you flush it:
117
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:22,569
That's a man's flush, Bud.
118
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:28,642
A Ferguson says, "I'm a toilet.
Sit down and give me your best shot."
119
00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:32,279
Oh, if only a Ferguson could speak,
the tales it would tell.
120
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,650
And now I've got one of my very own.
121
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:40,787
Yeah, I just wish Dad could be alive--
122
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:49,563
This time, I don't think he's coming back.
123
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:02,609
Oh, look, Dad.
I'm sitting on my own Ferguson.
124
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:06,446
Just like you always knew I would.
125
00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:12,853
Remember this at the trial, kids.
126
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:24,765
A Ferguson, you say.
127
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:29,102
It's made by elves, I think.
128
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:31,271
Somewhere in Canada.
129
00:09:31,505 --> 00:09:33,807
How long will it take him
to build the bathroom?
130
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:37,110
The instruction books says a child
can do it in three weeks.
131
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:40,314
So you figure six, eight months.
132
00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:43,784
Then we'll bring in a child.
133
00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:48,989
Well, on the plus side, a second
bathroom increases the house's value.
134
00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:56,296
But on the minus side...
135
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:58,999
...Doing it himself, is he?
136
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:01,635
Steve, why don't you go in there and help?
137
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:05,372
- Why should I help him?
- Because if you don't, he may not finish.
138
00:10:05,539 --> 00:10:08,408
Then he'll come over and use our bathroom.
139
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,711
Like last week.
140
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:12,980
He killed our goldfish.
141
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:36,136
Oh, hi, Al. I was just cutting
through here to go home.
142
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:40,140
Hang on a second there, Steve.
I wanna ask you something.
143
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,509
What do you think so far?
144
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,512
It's a dream, Al.
145
00:10:45,712 --> 00:10:48,348
Many's a time I'll be sitting
in my bathroom...
146
00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:51,084
...Wishing I could look at my car.
147
00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:56,456
Do I detect a green-eyed monster
sneaking into your voice there, Steve?
148
00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:59,359
Come on, you can be honest.
It's beautiful, isn't it?
149
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:03,463
Al, I don't see any area marked off
for a sink.
150
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:06,033
Hey, this is a man's bathroom.
151
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:10,037
You know how when you have to share
a bathroom with a woman--
152
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,339
Well, in my case, Peggy.
153
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:15,342
You get nylons on the shower rod.
154
00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:18,145
You get Nair where the toothpaste
should be.
155
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:21,681
And a bottle of vinegar lying around.
156
00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:26,420
What do they do in there?
Make a salad?
157
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,090
Well, not in my bathroom, Steve.
158
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:32,826
In my medicine cabinet,
I'll just have guy stuff.
159
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:37,130
Rolaids, milk of magnesia,
TUMS, my razor.
160
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:39,499
Why do you need a razor without a sink?
161
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,736
It's not for shaving.
It's for peace of mind.
162
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:46,373
Look over here.
This is my own design.
163
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:49,810
This is my four-roller
toilet paper dispenser.
164
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:54,548
No more running out in crucial situations.
165
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,884
When the bomb drops, I'm set.
166
00:11:58,418 --> 00:12:01,121
Now, listen, Al. There might be looting
out there.
167
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:03,890
You might wanna get a rifle
to protect those babies.
168
00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:07,694
That's a good thought, Steve.
169
00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:14,634
I had another great thought.
170
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:18,238
I've been going to lots of bathrooms
lately, you know, research.
171
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:22,242
I saw something in a bathroom that
would work great in my bathroom here.
172
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:25,345
A door high enough so you
can crawl under without paying?
173
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:28,782
Oh, excuse me, Steve.
I don't have the class like you.
174
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:32,586
What with a fish floating belly-up
in your bathroom.
175
00:12:32,819 --> 00:12:35,388
That fish was alive in the morning, Al.
176
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:42,963
Anyway, I was in this handicapped stall
and I noticed they have this great rail.
177
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:46,666
Many's the time I need a rail
to help me get up.
178
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:49,269
You really don't want this chicken?
179
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:51,538
No. Kids hate leftovers.
180
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:55,742
Oh, don't put it anywhere near a clock.
181
00:12:57,043 --> 00:13:00,514
Anyway, Marcie, I just know
my lottery numbers are gonna come up.
182
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:03,049
And I just need $70 to play.
183
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:06,186
So, what do you say, Marce?
You lend me the $70...
184
00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:09,456
...And if I win, I'll pay you back.
185
00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:12,692
Let me be honest with you, Peggy.
186
00:13:12,859 --> 00:13:14,928
I once loaned money to a friend.
187
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:16,997
And that person never paid me back.
188
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:20,400
I never said a word about it,
but I harbored a deep resentment.
189
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:22,302
And it strained our relationship.
190
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:25,438
To the point that the very sight
of that person made me sick.
191
00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:28,775
You're kidding.
What a low life.
192
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:32,179
- Who was it?
- It was you, Peggy.
193
00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:41,188
How would you like to have the rights
to Al's organs after he dies?
194
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:42,923
Sound good?
195
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:45,125
Oh, no. I can't do that.
196
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:48,228
I hocked those the other day
for a tank of gas.
197
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:51,264
But, you know,
I think I have a spleen left.
198
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:54,100
No, but thank you.
199
00:13:54,401 --> 00:13:59,206
We have so many knick-knacks already,
it would just be one more thing to dust.
200
00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:03,810
If you really need the money, they're
looking for help at the supermarket.
201
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,479
You'd do that for me?
202
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:10,650
Listen, why don't you just ask Al
for the money?
203
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,486
I can't. Ever since he's been
building that bathroom...
204
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:15,956
...He hides his wallet in a different place.
205
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:20,493
Al's bowels are draining the very
lifeblood out of this family.
206
00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:22,996
All he thinks about is that bathroom.
207
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:26,099
He even makes flushing sounds
in his sleep:
208
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:32,572
Not that he's given up his regular sounds.
209
00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:37,043
Well, I guess I'm lucky.
210
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:40,247
Steve just holds himself and hums.
211
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:46,653
What a pig.
212
00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:51,224
But at least he's not building
a monument to his regularity.
213
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:55,929
I am telling you, Marcie, Al loves that
toilet bowl more than he does me.
214
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:58,331
Oh, Peggy, don't be ridiculous.
215
00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:03,270
Hi, Peg.
216
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,172
{\an8}Daddy loves you.
217
00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:10,810
What does that toilet have that I don't?
218
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,612
A job.
219
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:19,753
And no one has won our big jackpot.
So keep playing.
220
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:24,357
Because the $21 million jackpot
could be yours.
221
00:15:31,731 --> 00:15:35,168
Twenty-one mil,
and it's all gonna be mine.
222
00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:37,570
You mean ours, don't you, Mom?
223
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,508
Sure.
224
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,544
This is ridiculous.
225
00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:48,148
Mom, when is Dad
gonna turn the electricity on?
226
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,350
I wanna play some records.
227
00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:52,385
Come on, Kel, you don't need records.
228
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:53,820
You know all the words.
229
00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:57,324
Just chant, "Oh, Satan. Yea, Satan.
230
00:15:58,191 --> 00:16:01,161
Satan, I'm your squeeze."
231
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,730
Eat Dad's socks.
232
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,932
Sniff his shoes.
233
00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:13,406
Now, kids, we are all just
a little on edge here.
234
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:16,409
I think we're letting
the cold and dark get to us.
235
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:19,879
Mom, seriously, is this our life?
236
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:24,050
Well, I think you're old enough
to know the truth.
237
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:26,152
Yes, it is.
238
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:34,361
Okay, kids, coats off.
Daddy's on a break.
239
00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:38,465
I'm just having the time of my life.
240
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,200
Bud.
241
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:42,635
Hi, Kelly.
242
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:44,771
Fergie.
243
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,607
Hey, I got an idea.
What say I get the camera...
244
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:50,877
...And we each pose for a picture
with the bowl?
245
00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:54,481
Oh, can I stick my head in it, please?
246
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:59,052
You just wise-guyed yourself
out of a picture, young lady.
247
00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:03,690
- Who's first?
- Al, we are living like Okies.
248
00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:06,393
Can you please finish that bathroom?
249
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:07,894
I'm in the home stretch now.
250
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:11,064
I would've been done, but something
keeps happening to my stuff.
251
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:14,033
Bud, did you take my adjustable wrenches?
252
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,436
Yeah, Dad.
253
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:18,405
You're onto me.
254
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:20,507
I've been having these wild parties.
255
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:23,977
I've been inviting girls over,
and we turn the lights down real low...
256
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:27,480
...And we gang-fix the sink.
257
00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:31,484
Kelly.
258
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,686
Oh, come on, Dad. Look around.
259
00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:36,689
If I was gonna steal anything,
it wouldn't be from this house.
260
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,792
Yeah, it must be the neighbors.
261
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:42,061
People hear you got a Ferguson,
they think you got money.
262
00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:46,499
Yeah, well, people hear you got a
husband, they think you have sex.
263
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:50,470
Say what you will, Peg.
You won't bring me down.
264
00:17:50,637 --> 00:17:53,840
This bowl has given me a natural high.
265
00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:56,776
Button up, kids.
I'm going back to work.
266
00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:59,112
I wish I knew
what's happening to my tools...
267
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:03,883
...And my copper tubing, and my
towels, and my life, and my manhood.
268
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:32,111
Drop that tile!
269
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,285
You, Peg?
270
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:42,422
Oh, Al, I'm sorry...
271
00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:45,225
...But it's just that you've been hiding
your wallet...
272
00:18:45,391 --> 00:18:48,428
...And I had to sell your tools
for lottery money.
273
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:55,335
Oh, Al. You see, if you die,
then I can get welfare.
274
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:58,171
But if you live, I have nothing.
275
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,407
I had to do it. Don't you understand?
276
00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:03,343
You see, you've got this bathroom.
277
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,645
Well, this lottery is my bathroom.
278
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,714
We each have a dream.
279
00:19:07,881 --> 00:19:10,650
Yours is just pathetic.
280
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:14,420
If winning the lottery is more
important than our marriage...
281
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:17,123
...Then go ahead.
282
00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:27,834
Did I forget to mention
you won't make it to the door?
283
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:30,770
Come on, Peg. Sit down here.
284
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,574
Peg...
285
00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:39,045
Honey, we don't need the lottery.
286
00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:40,813
We've got each other.
287
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:44,117
I want the lottery.
288
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:46,853
Peg, all I'm asking you to do is nothing.
289
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,222
Nobody does that better than you.
290
00:19:49,455 --> 00:19:52,525
Just pretend the kids are hungry
and I've got the flu.
291
00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:55,061
Just sit on the couch
and pretend you don't exist?
292
00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:58,064
- Yes.
- Like that time you broke your foot?
293
00:19:58,264 --> 00:20:03,069
Yes. Just for one week.
Can you do it for me, please?
294
00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:07,240
You're so cute when you beg.
295
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,642
I'll do it, Al.
296
00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:11,411
Peg, there's just one other thing.
297
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:14,581
If you have to steal for the lottery,
for one week...
298
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:19,452
- ...Steal from the kids, okay?
- Okay.
299
00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:22,789
Oh, Peg, a funny thing happened.
300
00:20:22,956 --> 00:20:25,491
I was at the gas station the other day...
301
00:20:25,959 --> 00:20:28,595
...And I was rubbing my eyes.
302
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:33,633
This mechanic came over to me and
he said, "Don't do that. I own those."
303
00:20:36,169 --> 00:20:38,204
What do you think he meant?
304
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:40,406
Well, you know how foreigners are, honey.
305
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:43,009
They think they own everything.
306
00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:48,748
And congratulations
to our $60 million winner:
307
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:52,185
Mr. Soo Lum Park.
308
00:20:52,619 --> 00:20:56,289
Not bad for two weeks
in the country, hey, Soo?
309
00:20:59,525 --> 00:21:01,127
Did anybody take my skateboard?
310
00:21:01,394 --> 00:21:03,029
Oh, leave me alone.
311
00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:07,200
Well, Daddy finally finished his bathroom.
312
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:11,804
You know, the living room seems so
much bigger without the Ferguson.
313
00:21:12,005 --> 00:21:15,375
This must be quite a moment
for your father.
314
00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:18,945
He's in there breaking in the Ferguson
as we speak.
315
00:21:19,178 --> 00:21:22,849
Must be having fun.
He's been in there for over an hour.
316
00:21:26,152 --> 00:21:27,754
How was it, Al?
317
00:21:28,655 --> 00:21:30,356
I don't know, Peg.
318
00:21:32,425 --> 00:21:34,394
I'm constipated.
319
00:21:39,465 --> 00:21:43,503
This is the worst day of my life.
I wonder if this ever happened to Dad.
320
00:21:43,903 --> 00:21:47,674
Do you want me to undercook you
some chicken, honey?
321
00:21:47,874 --> 00:21:49,275
No, but thanks anyway, Peg.
322
00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:53,680
It'll take something a lot stronger
than raw chicken to get me fixed up.
323
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:57,850
And now stay tuned for the rest
of our exciting ABC lineup:
324
00:21:58,051 --> 00:21:59,552
Roseanne, Moonlighting...
325
00:21:59,719 --> 00:22:03,089
...And the award-winning thirtysomething .
326
00:22:30,283 --> 00:22:33,352
Now, that's a man's flush.